Unedited Musings; Unordered Thoughts

Tendency to take step 3 before step 2,

Unordered, hovering and buzzing around

Instead of standing with feet solidly on the ground

Grounded. Needs. Address those needs. Identify the problem, identify possible solutions, take action immediately to pursue the solution that feels best to you.

Intuition. That’s what has kept me afloat. I’ve been running amuck, head stuck in the sand or something for a great while, but I still have my intuition throughout all of it. It’s a gift. My unique gift. I should use it to benefit the people around me. To benefit the world. Garbage. Contained, packaged, not fresh, recycled terminology. I didn’t learn much else though..or did I? And blocked it all out. I remember climbing out a window, being sneaky, doing things that are, just out of the ordinary on purpose. Me and a friend one time BOTH drove from the driver’s seat of his Benz (caution, maybe don’t try that at home). Making a joke out of everything. Those times you are with friends and do something that is strange but spontaneous, not ordinary, but thrilling, just because. Let’s steal your sisters birthday cake, grab a bottle of Martinellis, and sneak through the backyard of the neighbors house, mind you it was the loudest thing of my life crunching in all those leaves down a steep hill. Gia was falling the whole way down and it was so funny, and we get to the bottom, realize we don’t have a bottle opener, so we just crack it on the fence, slice off the top, we’re having a ball, and I guess I was feeling upset about an ex fling, so we ended up spelling xander=pussy or something like that in pads along the bike trail. WHO DOES THAT? Yeah, so just getting together with people who totally accept you for you, and spontaneously doing something CRAZY. SPONTANEITY. over order. over a system that stunts and perverts the free flow of the human mind, the human body, the human condition. Crazy in a good way, crazy in a bad way. Craze, I’m crazed over Justin Bieber. CRAZED. obsessed. attaching your emotions to an object or a person. You are transferring your experience onto him. He is a blank canvas, especially for you. Project your desires, emotions, onto celebrities, putting a lot of PRESSURE for them to conform to a dispersed idea of who they should be. And when they deviate (which is completely relative), we resent that. Because they are not reflecting the right picture. They are not picture perfect. They are just in pictures looking perfect.

And they are not a reflection of you. Well, I guess they are in a way. We mirror each other because we are of the same species. Of the same origin. Of the same materiality. But it’s as if people put their expectations for THEMSELVES onto other people, and the manifestation of those expectations peaks when the expectations are not met within themselves.  So how can we expect the same from those around us? It’s distorted, and won’t work.  We should not expect ANYTHING, for goodness sake. We should eliminate the crazed path of expectation, and switch to gratefulness, not expecting, just hoping. Hoping is of different origin than expectations. Expectations are not of root origin, of real value. And that’s the problem, is VALUE. We have created SO many smoke & mirror distractions to cover up the lack of quality, lack of value, lack of PURPOSE. When you are made of plastic, you end up at the dump…or that huge garbage island in the ocean. So how did we learn to emulate the plastic ways of life?

Well, true value shines so bright, many don’t really believe it’s real, so I guess they write it off as plastic, but still subconsciously desire to shine like that. Hence, the superficial way of copying everything that enhances, but nothing that enriches.

But the real value, the real prize, is purpose. Direction. What direction are you going in? WHY? Are you following your heart, or are you following something outside of yourself?